Thriving or Surviving?

Apologies for the delay on this one – I have been drawing from my ocean of confusion for the content of today’s offering. Although writing the article funnily enough has quelled some of the mire.

Which camp are you sat in btw ^ ?

I have to be honest with you I am surviving at the minute.

Not because I don’t have all the skills I require to thrive but really down to and due to the advent of a complete and utter profound life change and total revamp of the way in which I view the world. One where you wake up and remove the rose tinted glasses after a lifetimes wear.

The effect of this enlightening – and not of a pleasant kind, has dumbfounded me somewhat and swimming in stupidity and the realisations that I have given so much of my power away has me stopped like a clock.

I don’t feel sad, bad, mad or anything else that rhymes but more a feeling of stillness, silence and like I have reached the creative ceiling height of where I live and like I am unable to step any higher, not because I don’t want to but because I have hit an invisible glass roof and am being prevented going any further.

What is the meaning of this?

There must be a meaning. Life always presents us with a message or meaning to be deciphered in all life outcomes, so it’s really just a case of whether we are perceptive enough and able to fathom these.

Are we ever able to fully move forward in life without fully comprehending and understanding the lessons we have been presented with? Without which we might end up missing important information and potentially short-changing ourselves on the road ahead?

Have you ever experienced one of those moments in your life? One where you hit a dead end at speed and slide down into a heap on the floor?

As much as I hate to sit in this energy perhaps it has something more to show me?


A myriad of solutions are available to one with a strong cerebral connection but is mind the best way out of such a predicament?

Having always lived my life in a cavalier fashion pointing and shooting my way across the globe, after so many moves is it now time to cultivate a different way of doing things? Perhaps one that involves more forward planning?

Or letting go entirely and seeing what opportunities flow towards me?

I always thought a path with a heart was the way to go but with my health in a poor state topped with some additional woes of the heart; being in the heart and living in the heart, means feeling every ache and pain in my body to a magnified degree which is damn painful and leaves me struggling to get out of bed. Hanging out in the treehouse of the mind with feet dangling however is the most calm, quiet and relaxing place I can find of late.

Man, I love that treehouse

Following your heart is one of the most sage pieces of advice I’ve ever heard and simple enough to be followed by all but what if you can’t follow that piece of advise for good reason?

After an ill health slalom lasting the last 15 years I am about ready to throw in the towel. But why now, when so close to the finale?

I have always operated from the heart and being a healer and nurturing person with many friends around me have been a apart of groups galore, I never spent any time really dwelling on my own health issues as I was too busy having a good time to pay them any real attention.

Until now

Over the last year I have been forced to take a closer look at all that which I was formerly ignoring as we all have and to take / make a new approach to how I go about things in my life in all spheres including work, friendships, family relationships as well as the ways in which I operate workwise and go about my business in the world.

Dialling back on social engagements massively to heal my self, life and body, I have had one or two invites to places but have felt either highly inclined not to attend or on attending have found them to be enjoyable yet totally draining to the point of debilitation.

Can I get a mid-way around here somewhere please?

Outside of my family group, I realise I have no one to help me if my health were to get worse.

After years of putting out and up in every situation possible and setting up and running community projects over the last ten years to the point of exhaustion, on needing a hand myself I find myself sans assistance. It is almost as if every person I ever knew or had a connection with all received the same memo which said..

‘Game over’

It’s like I slipped down the crack between my old life and my new life and I am waiting to be rescued. Yet perhaps there is a good reason for this?

Maybe I am being segregated by the universe so I can have a long hard look at what it is I truly want?

I guess this is a targeted personal lesson in human nature, action and consequence as well as trust and the benefits of movement of ones consciousness within the body.

We as human beings tend to think of challenging situations as bad ones rather than seeing them for the silver linings that they are or will turn out to be in time.

I feel all this personal and collective die off is preparing us to give birth to our new lives? And as many of us know where the end is found, is also the beginning.

For me, the first half is done (‘the run through’ or ‘how not to do it’ as I like to call it) and now Part Two / The second half is getting ready to launch in full. But which direction will it take?

Applying the time, effort and energy in learning how to manage ourselves, our minds and our hearts in these times of great change is what really enable us to move forward and embrace the new. There can be no forward motion without considerable release of the old and a strong trust in the process.

These are natural cycles which all of us in life will go through at some point and some of us many times over. Learning to surrender and submerge ourselves in these experiences rather than fight them is surely the way to victory. Engagement, appreciation, listening, learning and finally surmounting with more knowledge and resources the other side stronger and more resilient than ever is the idea here if of course we are to have the confidence and courage to dance with the darkness and out the other side into the light.

If you are experiencing situations such as these in your own life and require some assistance, guidance and the spiritual tools in which to surmount such situations and more then you can join my upcoming course here where you can find more information and all the course details. We all go through these times challenging and enlightening so helping one another along this path is imperative! I can certainly vouch for experiencing my fair share of dark times.

Onwards and Upwards!

With Love & Gratitude

Ayni x

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